Life On The Road

The emotional hi’s and low’s of the past 2 weeks have left me alternating from soaking in my tears to relishing in excitement. Right now I’m nearing the point of solo movie trips to the saddest showing. After my sister died, for a week straight I went to the same movie, feeling a sense of companionship with other movie-goers shared sentiment. It was very therapeutic, as if we were all growing teary-eyed over the same disaster.

These days I’m dealing with an entirely different monster, more of an emotional roller coaster ride than complete rock bottom. Phoenix is failing me. The town that once embraced me has closed its doors. Understandable, as most of my ties lead back to an x-boyfriend – his friends, his family, his team. But, after 3 years in the desert I fear I may be walking away empty handed. Understandable doesn’t make it less depressing.

On top of that there is an influx of hormones from the Payton Jordan hype to post-Bloomsday blues. The excitement of a potential sponsor to the truth that they’re really only offering a glorified marketing position. The confusion of what to do, an array of conflicting perspectives, and a complete lack of certitude.

I feel as if I’m getting lost in the shuffle. There’s an answer somewhere, but I’m not sure in which direction it’s hiding. For the first time in my life I want to fast forward to my soon-to-be home in the mountains and leave the moment in my dust. What I know for sure: my future holds some gut-wrenching soul searching and a journey back to Boulder. Other than that I’m open to your opinion…

2 thoughts on “Life On The Road

  1. Good luck tomorrow at the 25k championships!As for what to do, it comes down to what you feel is best for you. Everyone will be quick to help but in the end, it's only you that can decide what's best! Good luck and welcome to CO!Luke – @runthetrailsCO

  2. Well, Allie, you’re honest! There’s alot that can be said for that, but within that brutal honesty is the reality of why you’ve been having trouble finding a coach. Your talent is there, but you are not free enough to be free enough. Meaning, you should be able to relax and enjoy your life and your running but you can’t because of all your unanswered questions. They are draining you. I know you’re searching for them but you’re all over the map with your emotions. If you come to run the River Run 25 k in G.R. Mi. like you did a few years ago, I’d be glad to talk with you and give you a copy of my book which deal with life issues. If I hear that you are coming I’ll look for you. Otherwise, I’d say, don’t worry about your life and running for now. Settle into a place and get a decent job soul search. I’ve been running for 46 years, which means through thick and thin, good times and rough ones. Until you get serious with finding out who you are and who you are supposed to become, everything pretty much gets worse. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change!

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