The 2 Headed Dragon

The face of trying again: big old bags under my sapphires.

The 2 year old I nanny is potty training. We’ve been having a few accidents. Like not sitting on the potty long enough for all of the poop to land in the toilet and peeing through her clothes, my clothes, the down comforter, the sheets, and the mattress pad. Each time I say the same thing “it’s ok, we all have accidents”.

“Ever try. Ever fail. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

I tried to be a big time runner – to keep up with the pros in races and in wealth. But I didn’t. I never got a contract and continued running thanks to the money my parents put aside for college (that I thankfully didn’t have to use for school because I busted my balls for a scholarship in HS). Last winter after a long injury lay off and subsequent months of poo poo performances, I got a call from my dad saying he’d been diagnosed with cancer. Christmas, alone, over 1800 miles from home didn’t seem as festive anymore. And my college teammate was marrying the love of her life back at our old stomping grounds at the end of the month. My funds and emotional state were dwindling. Visiting my father, going home for Christmas, and hitting the dance floor at my friends wedding weren’t all an option. I hit my breaking point – the chance for faster times and an Olympic birth no longer outweighed the inability to have a life outside running. I gave up on my dream because I failed.

But luckily failing doesn’t mean being eternally stuck in diapers. We all have accidents, no matter, we can all get up.

16 thoughts on “The 2 Headed Dragon

  1. Allie I found a YouTube video of you going over form, technique and drills made by VO2maxproductions and I have to thank you for revolutionizing my running. I hope you find your “happily ever after.” Runners are tough and you are no exception.

  2. I don’t think you failed. Comparatively I never ran as fast as you did (PR of 1:50.91 over 800m as a 21 y/o male). I ran through University and was injured for almost 3 years before I finally called it quits. It was my life (+ school – Mechanical Engineering ). Afterwards I took a 1.5 year total lapse from running during which I was depressed, way too hard on myself. I now coach a local high school cross country team as a volunteer position, and plan to get a full time teaching job in the area within the next few years and continue coaching. I’m also back running, and improving my form in order to keep injuries in the past as well. Its incredible what changing your stride can do! I have never felt better! About both my personal running and my impact on others running/ my coaching. In fact, the reason I found your website was because of the Running Form video you were in on YouTube, it was very imformative and I must say you have a great stride. Get out there and inspire some people! Wait, you already have.. Keep it up. Hope all is well with your family.

    I figured this is kind of fitting. Plato – “Be kind; Everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle”. <– This guy wasn't usually wrong so take his advice and be kind to yourself as well, don't beat yourself up too much…

  3. Just came across your blog today! I enjoy your writing style and wish you the best on where ever your run leads you. Chalk me up as another fan, one that you’ve earned not just with your running. Thanks for sharing!

  4. Take it from a rocket scientist: it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that you are unhappy. Figure out some way to go back to college and study something related to running sport, such as sports education or physical therapy. You’re very clearly intelligent, and the greatest loss of all would be for you to waste that intelligence on something someone else can do.

  5. I just found this blog, and Im speechless. I sat here in my room for about 30 minutes not knowing if I should leave a comment or not. As you can see I still cant come up with anything of worth to say

  6. Hey Allie, I watched your run technique video with Sage Canaday, just wanted to leave you some encouragement and say that your video helped me a lot. I did a trail run today and it felt fantastic using the principles you demonstrated. It’s been a long time since my back didn’t hurt after a long run, I attribute it to your helpful video. During difficult times in life I hope you’ll remember the countless number of people you’ve helped by just doing the small things for others.

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