I’ve been trying not to hold on to what could have been. In relationships, training cycles, and daily life I continuously fabricate happy endings. But, it hasn’t been playing out that way. I’ve been betrayed, forgotten, and injured. My life is not currently like my dreams. It’s like setting out to do 6 800 meter repeats, but actually running 4 400’s. Every damn day. And to be honest, it feels like missed opportunities. It feels like failure. I keep playing mental movies of what could have been if the plan was executed ‘perfectly’. If I had run 800’s then I could do 1 k’s today and a 5k next week – a perfect preparation for the 10k race I’ve been eyeing in a few weeks. But, the planned workout didn’t happen. A perfect preparation isn’t in the cards. Perfect doesn’t exist in Allieland.
I can’t time travel, so the past is un-editable. The guy that asked me out, but never showed up isn’t going to be my boyfriend, ever. The friend who seemingly ignores my calls isn’t a good friend anymore. The terrible week of running that was last week is reality not a nightmare. Ain’t nothing gonna change.
This morning my training buddy and I were doing some speedy reps together on the track. At one point he said “I don’t go backwards; I never look back in my training log to see how fast I went last time”. What a novel life philosophy!